Born to Build
I used to be jealous of other women - the one who was unafraid to articulate herself in a room full of strangers, whom others validated as smart and strong. Also, the one who was the life of a party, light and fun, able to move within space in her own skin, whom everyone wanted to be around. I hated the woman who needed the attention of a man's gaze or who was so clearly insecure.
I did not want to be seen as pretty. I did not want a man's gaze on me. I wanted to be seen as strong, hard-working, smart, determined. I wanted to be less complicated. I felt naked when someone recognized my sweet and caring side. I felt foolish when I expressed myself with passion. One learns pretty quickly that feeling vulnerable does not feel good. I rejected the traditionally feminine qualities within myself, which I have quite a few of.
I learned about resiliency this year and I allowed myself time to heal. I believe I learned about courage when I was ready to and because of this I feel the depth of my growth. But what I love most about accepting all facets of what makes me, me, is being able to recognize and accept other people, and specifically, other women. I feel a deep appreciation and gratitude towards women and the work they do. Where I once felt envy, I now feel awe. Where I once judged, I now am ready to uplift. I'm deeply grateful for this and the badass women and men in the world.